“The decision whether or not to bear a child is central to a woman’s life, to her dignity. It is a decision she should make for herself.” – RBG
Many people think abortion is a dirty word, it’s a shameful act. That the woman did something wrong. And the deplorable Supreme Court ruling that was set forth this past weekend it’s very clear these people are pushing this narrative on the United States
But what they don’t know is that having an abortion is never an easy decision. It’s scary, and it’s just as life-changing as bringing a child into the world. It is never made easily, but it should ALWAYS be allowed to be made by the woman.
For so many years I’ve tried to hide my aboriton story, fearful of what people may think of me. And honestly I never really knew the right way to talk about it. I’ve felt so much fear and shame for that choice. But I’m tired of feeling like I did something wrong by choosing my own growth, my relationship, and my future over bringing another life into this world.
When I was 24, I finally got my first big girl job. I was so excited to start my life and work in an industry I was interested in at a young exciting company. And lucky me I also started a new relationship soon after.
One day I made the startling realization I was pregnant. I did the math over and over and over again, trying to figure out how many weeks I had to get a safe abortion. But I knew without a doubt I wasn’t ready to be a mom, and I think that should be a right every woman has.
I could barely pay my rent month to month, paying for a baby was out of the question. I was only 24, had barely started a real job, I wanted a career, I wanted to see how far I could go at this company, I had goals and dreams of travel.
Luckily, I lived in New York, finding a clinc to perform the abortion was relativly easy. I took a half day of work, didn’t tell anyone and took myself. Sitting in the waiting room was terrifying, and felt like an eternity. Because I drove myself I wasn’t given any anethesia. Laying on that exam table is a memory that will live with me forever. But it is a decision I will never regret.
My only regret was not including my partner in the decision. I knew I didn’t want my life to change I knew I wasn’t emotionally or finaically ready to become a mom, but should have trusted him to support me in that decision.
This new Supreme Court ruling and subsequent state laws are only going to prevent safe abortions, and will make it even more difficult for woman of marginalized groups to get access to the care they need. This isn’t the United States of 2022 and the future, we have taken 10 steps back, it shouldn’t be up to the state you live in to decide if and when a woman become a mom, it should be hers.
Because of the decision I made back in 2014, I am finanically independant, live in a beautiful apartment, without roommates, in a city I dreamed of living in as a girl. Because of my abortion I was able to travel to France and live in a van last year, and visit Italy this April. I can continue to blog for fun, and explore new dreams and interests, and buy myself nice things when I want to. It’s not selfish to want these things for myself, its my choice. And it should be my freedom as an American to make the choice to become a mother on my own terms. One day I may want to become a mom, but that day in 2014 was not it.
This was powerful, thank you for sharing your story.
Thank you so much for your kind words! It felt really good to share.